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Choose Your Words Wisely


Word Choice. Up until recently word choice was something that was associated mostly with essays, papers, cover letters, etc. But lately it has been something that has been on my mind a lot. Recently, I have been trying to actually act on becoming a better person. Whether that is being more active for causes that I care about, like supporting the survivors of the Las Vegas shooting and the California wild fires, or small simple acts that I would normally kind of ignore, such as telling someone that their backpack is open while passing them on the street. In addition to this, I have been trying to be more conscious about how I speak to people and about people. If you know me, you know that I partake in my fair share of venting, b*tching and gossiping. I make no claims that I never speak in such acts. And I make no promises that I will stop all together necessarily. I think venting is therapeutic and is needed a lot in order to release pent up emotion. But I have really come to realize that it is still possible to vent and let out your opinions while still being respectful.

Girl hate in particular is extremely common and it is even more shameful when that girl hate is coming from another female. And I have been guilty of it as well. I take full responsibility for venting sessions with family or friends that I have put down other women in order to try to make myself feel better or make the person I was talking to feel better. And it makes me feel horrible. For example, I hardcore hated on certain people when they would post selfies or similar photos but when I look back now it was because I was insecure with who I was as a person and I had no self love at all. So I felt the need to tell myself that they were conceited and vain. and that I was better than that. SHAMEFUL. And I’m by no means saying that these people were perfect and don't have flaws. Everyone does. Perfection does not exist. But if they are feeling themselves in a photo and they want to post it, I say, go for it girl. You go. For example, there was this girl who I will leave nameless but she wants to be a model. And yeah I judged her hard for it when I first saw her instagram. Like wow she’s not wearing any clothes what kind of girl does that? And then I realized that she has done nothing wrong to me. I don’t even really know the girl and her posting these photos HAS NO EFFECT ON ME. Again, you go girl. If that is what you wanna do with your life then go for it. Just because that is not something you would do necessarily does not make it wrong at all. As long as she is not being taken advantage of by the photographers then more power to her. AND always remember what while self love and self confidence is so important, there is a difference between being confident and being cocky. You can have so much love for yourself but do not ever think that you are better than someone else. And until recently I have been hypocritical. While I dubbed myself as a women who is all about empowering women, I was not always practicing what I preach. And it wasn’t until it happened to me recently, where someone made uncalled for judgements and spoke about me in a disrespectful manner, that I realized the true impact that words can have. And how you choose to speak about and to people truly speaks for who you are as a person.

I recently took a buzzfeed quiz to see what two characters from Friends I was, and one of the questions asked, "is it more important to be honest or kind?" I put neutral because I fully believe it is possible to be both. You can be honest and express your concerns and feelings while still being respectful and kind. You just need to be thoughtful, mindful and choose your words wisely. It was also in this moment that made me realize the accuracy of some of the “rules.” we preach about how to treat others, such as treat others how you want to be treated and if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all. We hear these things since our youth and yet I rarely see a lot of people adhering to it BUT THEY ARE IMPORTANT.

Since the incidences occurred, I came up with two mottos to live by that I think if everyone stuck to these the world would be a much better place.

1) Let me live my life and I will let you live yours.

I will try my best to not judge how you choose to live your life if you do not judge how I, and others choose to live our lives. Your life, your body, your choice. My life, my body, my choices. Stop being racist, stop being homophobic, stop slut shaming, stop judging how others make an honest living, stop judging how others were raised, stop judging others' family dynamic. Instead to try to be open and try to be understanding. Stop and think, is this really affecting me? Because it probably isn’t in which case, just mind your own business and let whoever you were about to judge, mind their own business. It may not be how you choose to live, but again that does not make it wrong. It is possible to be confident and have self love and be proud of yourself and others without having to tear other people down in the process. It is okay to be frustrated about a situation without sh*t talking those who did nothing wrong to you. For example, if you are mad that the guy you liked hooked up with another girl, BE MAD AT HIM. If the other girl had no idea what was going on, which she most likely didn’t then don’t go calling her a b*tch, a slut, or a whore. If someone is just genuinely just a disrespectful person, just tell yourself that you do not need that toxic energy in your life and just don’t give that person any of your time and energy and leave it at that. You do you, let others do them.

and secondly 2) DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE

It is really that simple. In all areas of life, just don’t be an asshole. Don’t be an asshole to people you say you care about. Don’t be an asshole to service workers. Don’t be an asshole to people who do not speak your language. Realize that how you choose to speak to and about others, speaks more volumes about yourself than about the person. And think to yourself, is this the type of person I want to be? Realize before you judge, before you speak, that you do not know everything about a person’s life, therefore you have no right to make judgments. If you have a slip up, because we are all humans and that happens, realize your mistake. Apologize, don't just try to justify, those are not the same thing. If it is too late to apologize, do better going forward. Even if you cannot get yourself to stop hating on others, do us all a favor and keep that sh*t to yourself. Do not bring that negativity into others spaces when they do not deserve it. At least have the decency to do that.

And these are two things that I am constantly trying to improve on. I have a very dry, sometime crude, self depreciating humor and I roast people all the time and I appreciate it when someone can have humor about their own flaws and owns them. But there is a fine line and so I am learning how to be a funny, sarcastic b*tch without actually being a legit b*tch. So for example, instead of hating on country music, I am working on saying instead, "you know it's not my favorite but send me your favorite songs and I will give them a fair chance." I am also trying to improve on my words of affirmation. For so long I was that person who thought I was too cool to admit to someone that I missed them or liked them or whatever. But as I got older and those I cared about weren’t always at a close distance, words are all we had. And I learned the importance of them. Say it. I love you. I miss you. I care about you. I am so proud of you. I appreciate you. I support you. You’re doing amazing sweetie. Because even if the person you are speaking to also thinks they’re too cool for these things, it is still nice to hear. And words can have a strong impact, so I want to try to make that impact as positive as I can.

I am not expecting myself or everyone around me to be perfect and never say anything bad ever. I have my moments of weakness. Everyone will. That is not, and was never the point. Bottom line is, just be mindful how you choose your words and don’t be so quick to judge others.

Stay honest and stay kind folks,

Until next time,

☾ SAM ✧

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