It is currently 12:30am in the middle of my hell week. We are one week out from graduation and I have found emotional clarity. Dramatic? Yes, but whatever everyone should be used to this by now. So bascially I decided to watch me and Brittany's first youtube video that we posted almost 6 years ago. When I see 6 years written out it honestly does not feel like that much time. And yet, think about where you were 6 years ago and what your life was life. 6 years ago my dad was still alive. Crazy right? And 6 years ago there is no way that I could have ever imagined that this is what my life would be life. As a 16 year old, I had absolutely no clue where I was going to be and who I was going to be at age 22. And there is something really beautiful about that. Lately I’ve been loving watching these YouTubers who are around 28-30 years old. That’s where I’ll be in another 6 years and I am fully realizing that there is no way I can ever know what my life is going to be like in 6 years. The possibilities are truly endless and it is so exciting to me. I have no idea the people I will meet within the next six years, the places I’ll go, the things that I’ll learn about myself. I feel like I have changed and developed and grown so much since being 16. I mean one would hope so obviously. But I hope that when I’m 28-30 I can look back and say wow as a 22 year old I had no idea that my life would be like this and I hope I’m saying that in a good way.
Also it occurred to me that 6 years ago there were probably things that caused me so much stress and felt so important to me that I lost sleep over it. And now I have no idea what those things were. And that makes me extremely happy and optimistic. That the things that I have stressed about and have gotten sad about lately, at the end of the day, in six years they will be so insignificant that I won’t be able to even remember them. And it just shows that when things happen it is not the end of the world, you move on and you so much ahead of you. So forget about that dumb boy who thought he was too cool for you or that one paper or test that you didn’t do so great on or that one embarrassing things that you did while drunk. Like it truly does not matter and I am so excited to move on and take control of my own life and my own happiness and to grow into the person that I want to be.
I had my college experience. Though it didn’t start out that great I still got my quintessential college experience. I’ve had a bit too much fun, sometimes way too little sleep, and sometimes way too much sleep. I joined a sorority and found some of the greatest people. I’ve dealt with and cared way too much about stupid college boys. I got my college experience. And although college was by no means easy, I wouldn’t change my experience for anything. And as happy as I am with how college turned out for me, it’s time to move on.
I’ve already started putting college and Davis in my past folder in my mind. And it’s sad and scary that a lot of this will soon become just memories. And the people that we spent too much energy on we really may never see again. But it’s time to move on and meet new people and make new memories. It’s time to just keep going and keep moving and it’s time to build my life around me.
Until next time,
☾ SAM ✧
