First of all, Happy Saint Patricks Day! May you have all the love and luck in the world. Second of all, you all know good and well about the passing of my dad. I've mentioned it many times, only because it is a big part of who I am. But since my dad passed, I have been feeling guilt. Guilty because I feel like since his passing I have been neglecting those who passed away before him. It is not unreasonable that I think about my dad the most, I mean he was my dad, but he has been the main focus for the past four, almost five years, and I think it's time to introduce the world to some of my favorite humans.
The men in my family are some of the greatest humans I have and will ever have the pleasure of knowing. Unfortunately, the men in my family tend to drop like flies. That may seem like an insesntive way to put it, but after going through all of this you have to find a way to smile about life somehow. I am doing this because for the most part I was on the younger side when I lost them and because of that I feel like I never got to truly express how much they meant to me. I feel like I didn't even realize how much they meant to my until recently. So to my favorite boys....
To Uncle Harry,
I am angered. I feel an insurmountable amount of resentment that I only got 7 years with you. I feel absolutely cheated because you were one of the most resilient, radiant and inspriring humans that I have ever known. You were diagnosed with HIV and were a hemophiliac. You had to go to dialysis regularly and had to inject yourself with medicine more than anyone should ever have to. Yet, you were always so happy when I was around. No matter what you refused to subject me to the downsides of your illness and only showed me sunshine and what it meant to be a fighter. I can only hope to one day emulate the amount of strength you had. You taught me that "big girls don't cry," and that it is okay to make fun of yourself and to not take life so seriously. You taught me that just because I am a girl, doesn't mean that it is synonymous with being weak. You taught me that it is okay to be a princess and a complete badass at the same time, that it's okay to be a funny, sassy, strong woman and to never apologize for being who I am. And for that I cannot thank you enough. I can't even imagine how much better of a person I would be if you were still alive. The world lost a true hero when you passed. I will never forget our countless trips to 7-11 for slurpees, our popsicle dates where you would eat the purple ones because I only wanted the orange ones. To this day I love you so much because you valued a good nap and that is what is important in life. I also wish I had inherited your glorious bone structure. I promise you, even though I only got seven short years with your beautiful soul, I will never forget your spirit and compassion and my children and my children's children will absolutely know of the legendary Uncle Harry and how fucking cool you were. Go Raiders!! (hahahahahha good god)
To Gung Gung,
I honestly cannot remember if we talked a lot and that makes me so sad. I say that we did not talk much mainly because for the first two years I couldn't really converse because I was a baby and you did not speak much English. But even though I can't really remember the words that we exchanged, I will never forget the moments we shared. Particularly when the house was freezing and you would sit on one side of the wall near the heating vent and you would put down a little plastic chair next to you so I could sit with you. Or when you would sit me beside you on the front stairs to watch the cars pass while I waited for my mom to come back from work. To this day those moments are some of the most tender and sincere moments I have ever shared with someone and ones that I will always cherish. I could tell from how much my mom loved you that you were such a caring and gentle soul. I also feel a kindered spirit with you because when you were jumping out of planes during the war you adopted a little monkey and named him Geronimo and that is just one of the many reasons why I am so proud to call you my grandpa. Also thank you for working so hard to give Popo, my mom and everyone a chance at a better life than the one that you had. I wouldn't have the life I have now without all of your hard work. Trader Vic's will always hold a special place in my heart and I would give anything in the world to be able to go to dinner there with you just once.
To Grandpa,
You were my person, you were my biggest fan and my biggest supporter. I love my entire family but none of them will ever support me the way you did. You loved everything about me and loved my flaws the most and if that isn't true love then I don't know what is. I think every one needs someone like this in their life and I feel extremely lucky to know what that feels like to have that amount of support from one person. I also feel so mad at the world that you were taken away from me so soon. You always said I was the brightest witch of my age and to this day that is the greatest compliment I have ever recieved. There are so many times after you passed where I would've given anything to talk to you again. Every time I have ever doubted myself or felt my insecurities dominating how I live my life I can almost hear you telling me to knock it off because you know how much potential I have and I can only hope to live up to the person you saw me as. You were always there for me. You were there for my dance recitals year after year, you went to my Kung Fu shows and actually went to go see my artwork from summer camp. You were the most dependable person and everything you did was 100% genuine. Thank you for always feeding me ice cream and cookies even when Grandma said no. Thank you for never letting me win in board games because I was the kid because it taught me to never give up and to perservere no matter what. Thank you for showing my dad compassion and love when he needed it the most. Thank you for always being supportive of my mom too. Thank you for always carrying me inside from the car instead of waking me up. Thank you for always carrying me around because I was too lazy to walk. You put me up on a pedestal and I didn't deserve it. You had such a timeless, classy, soulful spirit and are the reasons why I have such high expectations for men because you were the definition of a true gentleman. You always saw the best in me and believed in me more than I have ever believed in myself. Thank you for giving me your dumbo ears and nose. Even though I hate them sometimes I would not trade them for anything because they remind me of you. I love you so much and there are no words to describe how much I miss you. And one last thing..."start the car, Edwin!" Such a slowpoke.
To my Uncle Herman,
I didn't know you. I never even got the chance to meet you. You were taken from this Earth before I was even concieved and I hate that. My mom says I would have loved you and described you as a grouchy but loveable teddy bear which is my type of person. Life is extremely unfair.
To My Favorite Boys,
I love and miss you all so much. I will carry you all in my heart always and there will never be enough words to describe how amazing you all were and how much you all mean to me. Drink a beer for me and cheers to you guys for being the most wonderful human beings ever!
Love,
Your favorite niece and granddaughter
